Late-night Foray into the Void

On a relatively late-night stroll into the ether, or the internet as it were, I found my way into my own particular gut wrenching subsection. I began looking at tiny houses and wondered what it would be like to quit my job and live a life of traveling and seeing the world. Then I was watching a video about a deaf girl who could sing better than I ever could even in the prime of my chorus days and then I landed on the one that broke me. Turned my already fracturing understanding of the human race and its current way of functioning into a pile of ashes.

I splintered and shattered as I looked at an old man while he described to a boy what it was like for him to come out as gay when he was younger. He briefly described that it was illegal and that if you were spending the night with a male friend and the police came in and found you in bed together that you could be arrested simply because. Watching him dream about what it would be like to be able to think about being gay as maybe not “such a big deal” and definitely not face the same consequences as he would have in his youth.

And all I can say is what have we done? What are we still doing? We make people who are too old to restart, or too tired to try again, dream about the sludge that we still turn out as human beings. To fantasize about the trash that is being put forth by many people toward the LGBTQA community is inconceivable to me, even though I know progress has been made. And no, I am not talking about LGBTQA community exclusively, my hopelessness encompasses all oppressed or discriminated against people.

What kind of a society are we that we can’t just let people be. Where I, who pass in all ways, still want to escape the shit people we have become as a society. When did it become so important to everyone what someone does in the privacy of their bedrooms or where someone pees that we have completely ignored that they are still people. Like, holy fuck, just let them pee!

I never before thought I struggled with depression but I am wondering if I have developed it from the deep-seated misanthropy that grows inside of me. The fact that I am considering investing in a tiny house so that I am not tied to one place or so I can easily escape when things become too much is a worrisome thing. I should want to plant roots and make a family but I don’t.

Recent studies have shown that the rate at which people from my generation and younger are having babies is dropping too quickly and I can’t say that I am surprised. There are many reasons why I have chosen a child free life but chief among them is not wanting to bring a child into this world—to see them go through life and be treated like shit the way we treat anyone that doesn’t fit into the box we’ve labelled normal.

They say that normal is just a setting on your washer but truthfully it is this imaginary standard that we measure everyone against. Some fake ideal that we have concocted in our heads from movies, stories, politics, religion, ect, that we use as a ruler and in the end, it’s inadequate, no worse, it’s complete and utter shit and it’s harmful.

We as people can do amazing things and overcome ridiculous obstacles. To be able to write and compose your own songs, then sing those songs with an amazing voice that gives me goosebumps is amazing in general but when it done by someone who is deaf? That is something I would not have thought possible but I was proven wrong. Why can we not use this amazing ability to adapt to accept each other and strive toward greatness and use the resources we currently spend on keeping others down and trying to maintain the imaginary status on helping those in need and decreasing world suck?

When trying to fit people in a box doesn’t work, it’s time to change. When what you believe only hurts and does not help, it’s time to change. When I have to watch an older man, sit and wistfully imagine what it would have been like to experience their first love or crush without the fear of being disowned/abused/arrested/killed it is time to change. When you are putting your personal ideas of what someone else should be before the life and feelings of said person it is time to change.

I can’t teach you to care about others. Empathy, it seems, is becoming an increasingly rare trait and without it we’re all screwed.

Since When is That a Solution!

Trigger warning: sexual violence

Imagine your daughter comes home from high school where she stayed after to do research on a project. She comes home and ask you if you’ve ever heard of asexual people before. You respond accordingly and have a conversation about it. At the end of the conversation, she tells you she thinks she might be asexual.

Maybe you take this in stride, you love your children regardless of who they are and you know they will continue to try to figure themselves out far into adulthood. Or maybe you don’t take it well. Maybe you don’t know what asexuality is other than what she just told you and you’re a little over loaded with information. Either way I hope you tell her you love her and that you are there for her no matter what she needs.

Within weeks she begins to tell her friends at school. Most them are fine but maybe she loses a few friends but still has a solid support group. You notice she’s struggling though. She cries a lot in her room alone and after a few days you can’t take it. You knock on the door and when she doesn’t answer you crack it and ask if you can come in. She makes an agreeable noise and you walk in.

She laying on her bed, her face hidden and it pulls on your heart because she’s hurting and you’re clueless.

“Can you talk to me about it,” is all you ask.

She doesn’t move for a long time but you sit in her desk chair and wait. Your silence more valuable than any empty words you could utter.

She begins quietly telling you about a boy at school. A boy she had been talking to before she discovered her asexuality. At first she thought he would understand. He even asked her out last week, but when they had left the movie and were in the parking lot he had started touching her. He said he could show her what she was missing and that she wasn’t really different from other girls just uneducated. She had pushed him off, and tried to get out of the car but he was stronger and had over-powered her. He tried to say it was for her own good and she wouldn’t be asexual once she knew what sex was really like.

Your daughter was sexually abused by a boy she was seeing, simply because she doesn’t feel sexual desire. He wanted to “fix” her.

Obviously, you take your daughter to the police station and fill out a police report and do whatever it takes to remove her from anywhere he can reach.

Does it matter that she’s different? Does it really hurt anyone for her to be who she is?

The asexual community, as it emerges from the shadows faces ridicule and judgement from many people. Below I give you an asexual bingo card from author Julie Decker who recently published The Invisible Orientation.

Click to access acebingoflier.pdf

These things and many other are heard by asexuals as they come out to people. Even in my own small scope of people I talk to on a regular basis I’ve heard “Asexuals don’t exist. They just haven’t gotten any good ‘D.'” Thankfully, I was at work and he wasn’t hostile but others are not so fortunate.

I really just wish people would live and let live. What does anyone else’s sexuality have to do with the world at large.

My topic for this blog comes from this article and I highly recommend watching this video to see Julie Decker play asexual BINGO.

Gay People

So for today’s rant we will touch on one of my favorite topics, instigated by stupid, ill-informed jerks on the internet.

If you peruse the internet for any length of time, you will come to notice that there is a lot of stupid out there.  People who think that for one reason or another they are better than other people and as such have the right to judge “lesser” beings.  So today’s message is brought to you by the letter “I”.

/Ignorance:  There is a man in Nigeria who did many “scientific” tests to prove that gay marriage is wrong.  (Mr. Nigeria)  Basically stating that because the opposite ends of two different magnets attract then being gay is wrong.  Now, this pisses me off for two reasons: 1) you are attacking a people that do nothing to harm or injure you by simply living their lives the way that they wish to do so and 2) you are using science, my beloved science, for your foul and vicious attack on these people.  Not to mention that this isn’t even proper science, this is discrimination and hatred being labelled as scientific fact!

/Incorrect: Aside from Mr. Nigeria over there trying to use “science” to prove something that can not be proven the way he wants it to, the other leading argument against gay people comes from religious beliefs.  If you can unbiasedly think of a reason that gay couples should not be allowed then please leave me a comment, but please do remember that anything including hate, discrimination or references to you moral beliefs, is no longer unbiased.  For some entertainment, or in my case something that makes you yell at your computer, try the atheist experience on for size (click me).  The atheist experience is a radio show based out of Austin, Texas where a panel of atheists have a topic of the day and take callers.  Often those callers are Christians who want to argue their point with things from the bible.  The link goes to an episode, sometimes hard to hear, where the caller says, “Of course it’s unnatural, it’s scientific.”  Something that many Christians tend to not understand is that if the person has no belief in the book, then arguments based on it carry no weight.

/Ill-informed:  There seems to be a specific subset of peole that tend to think that being gay is unnatural.  I would like to know then, how do they explain all of the animals in nature getting it on with the same sex?  These are not cases of mistaken identity, the sense of smell in most animals is too well developed for a female to be mistaken as male or vice versa.  These are wild animals with less cognizant ability than humans, that can literally only do what comes NATURALLY to them, having sex with other members of their species that are the same sex.

/Intolerant:  Let us pretend for a moment that I wanted to play the game by Christian rules.  Hypothetically the bible is right and I believe in the words contained within.  Here are some verses direct from god showing that typical anti-homophobic behavior is against his word.  James 2:10 – For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one [point], he is guilty of all.  (Meaning: he who has sinned in any point, is guilty of disregarding the whole of god’s rules for men)  1 John 3:15 – Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.  (Meaning: no one has the right to hate to judge anyone else for their behavior, sinning or otherwise, under threat of losing eternal life with god). And for all of the homophobes out there: 1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.  (Meaning:  With fear in your heart you cannot love anyone perfectly, not even god for if you did you would have no more fear)  And a few on being a judgy know-it-all: Luke 6:37 – Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven & John 8:7 – He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone…  (Meaning:  You are not god keep your judgements to yourself for you are not perfect as he and cannot pass judgement on any others.)

Do not let any of that confuse you into thinking that I sympathize with the anti-gay side of this argument.  I have a few well educated Christian friends who may not agree with homosexuality as they do believe in the word of the bible but they are also not there judging my homosexual friends making themselves to feel superior.  And as so far in my opinion of gay marriage, your morals, no matter how correct you deem them to be, are simply just an opinion.  They cannot be upheld by a constitution that demands a separation of church and state, and never entitles the recipients of freedoms, the right to enforce their beliefs on other.  While it does specifically state that freedoms shall be equally granted to all.

Thank you and goodnight!