Add Some Chaos to the Madness

The past month has been a bit of a whirl for me, my husband still has not found another job, bills are being paid by helpful family members and I am coming to terms with the fact that I have to quit school so that I can support my small but demanding household.  This is my chaos.

I have been working for years toward a goal that I’m not even sure I want anymore but loath to give up because it means I have to return to the drawing board.  I spent a month writing a novel in the hopes that someone will read and want to publish it.  This is my madness.

My life has stopped making sense.  I am stressed out to the point of making myself sick.  I try to soldier on and continue with my life but then something else comes to smack me in the face.

On the morning of Thanksgiving some more bad news blew into my life, anything that I had been thankful for disappeared and I was left feeling depressed.  My husband and I loaded into the car a little later to gather with family for the holiday but I was still feeling low.  In the evening my whole family gathered in the living room and they went around to every single person so that they could share what they were thankful for.  I was not in the mood to be thankful for anything, I did not share.  Instead I went to the corner to feel sorry for myself.

Later, when my bad mood had passed and I squared my shoulders to again face life head on, I felt like I had cheated myself out of something.  There were many things I was thankful for that I had now missed the opportunity to share with my family.

In times of sadness and struggle it is so easy to lose oneself in the big problem that is staring us in the face and ignore the fact that there are little victories but the truth is that little victories are what make life worth living.  Little victories are what you get up for in the morning and what keeps us going between the big events, victory or failure.

So in no particular order, my victories this year:

  • My Grandpa walked me down the aisle.
  • I got married.
  • I finished Nanowrimo.
  • I made new friends.
  • I ate Chipotle in three new states.
  • I got to see my niece.
  • I ran a 5K with said niece.
  • I did a 5K with my friends.
  • I left the country for the very first time.
  • I got a new car.
  • I found the place that I want to live.
  • I found the house I want to live in.
  • My relationship with my husband is better than it has been in years.

Life Goals and Priorities

My life goals are organized into a wonderfully disorganized conglomeration of thoughts that I like to call my bucket list.  (I recommend making one if you don’t have one.)

Some of the things on my list I have conquered, like having a large wedding or learning to play the piano.  Still, there are others on the horizon, for example: learning to drive an 18-wheeler or saving sea turtles.  Then there are some that will take me many years to complete, i.e. kissing my way around the world (kiss one person from every country) and eat at a Chipotle Mexican Grill in every state & country that has one.  Now, before we go any further there is something you should know.  I love Chipotle with almost every fiber of my being, I LITERALLY used to eat Chipotle everyday.  I have only recently (tonight, in fact) found out that they are located outside of the mother land.  I am very excited to see where Chipotle will take me and I personally am hoping for global domination.  Now, today’s post is going to be short, this is simply my way of telling you that at the bottom of my blog posts (if I can remember) there will be a map like this one, that has the states I have triumphed:

Chipotle Map

My map of US domination

It will not be this large again, matter-of-fact, it will probably be tiny, but it will be there, encouraging all of you to have small dreams and large ones; to set goals and try for them and to eat at Chipotle because that is some good food.