When I was younger I thought by the time I was thirty I would have my shit together. I don’t know why but it seemed the magical number when the thirty-somethings I knew had houses and stable jobs and things. For those of you out there who look at thirty year olds and see the same thing let me let you in on a little secret:
Now that we’ve cleared that up let’s moved on to how I’m almost thirty and am floundering in the Pacific ocean, no life raft, no inner tube—hell, I don’t even have one of those life vests you have to inflate yourself, just sayin’. I would like to rewrite the brochure on “Adulting” and correct a few errors I have discovered along my journey.
Adulting: The truth behind the gimmick
Scenario: Child – “Mom, will you buy me some makeup? All the girls at school are starting to wear it.”
Mother – “When you get a job then you can buy your own makeup with your own money.”
Simple example of a conversation we have all had over the course of our lives for one thing or another.
Expectation: When you get older, you’ll be able to get everything you want because you’ll have a job.
Reality: You can have makeup from the dollar store because after you pay your bills you can’t afford anything else, or you work two jobs so that you can afford it but you’re so tired you can’t be bothered to wear makeup anyway.
Scenario: Parent – “College degrees are the key to success. Without them you’ll be flipping burgers for the rest of your life.”
Expectation: I’ll be able to pay off my student loans once I graduate. I’ll get a job in my chosen field and my life will begin.
Reality: The cost of college is so high now, that while a summer and weekend job used to be able to pay for it, now almost no one escapes without student loans and even if you do somehow manage to get a job right out of school using the degree you earned, you probably still won’t make enough to pay all your bills and the monthly payments these vultures ask for.
Scenario: Parent – “While you live under my roof, you’ll obey my rules.”
Expectation: When you finally have your own place it will be amazing and you can do whatever you want!
Reality: When you first move out you’re probably going to have a roommate and they’re going to annoy you and their idea of amazing living and your idea of amazing living are going to barely overlap at best and when you go to visit your parents you still have to abide by their rules while you’re there and then work is going to have a-whole-nother set of rules for you.
In short, I would like my money back on Adulting 1.0. I will try again when they have come out with a better version…maybe.
Ooooooo, look. How to get your life together: the interactive couch to 5k app. Only six easy payments of 10,000 dollars! Want!