Today we’re going to get a little personal.
Let’s start with sex and masturbation in reference to asexuality.
There is no right or wrong, yes or no that covers every asexual, especially when it comes to the bedroom. One asexuals needs/limits can very greatly from someone else’s, the same as sexual people’s. There are asexuals who when with a sexual partner do not mind coming to some sort of arrangement while others define a strict no sex policy from the get go. However, before delving directly into sex with others, I would like to cover masturbation.
Simply because one is asexual does not mean they don’t masturbate, conversely; simply because one does not masturbate does not mean they are asexual.
There a many asexuals who masturbate, for some it is described as a cleaning out of the plumbing, or like an itch that needs scratching. Masturbation is not an inherently sexual act, many use it as stress relief or to help them get to sleep at night. The difference for some is the things thought about during the act, while some asexuals mention other intrigues, many asexuals state they think about nothing.
More thoughts on asexuality and masturbation here.
There are also a some sexual people who do not masturbate. I know someone who is simply not interested in getting their kicks unless someone else is involved. They identify as a demisexual (now, that does not mean all demisexuals do not masturbate.)
Demisexuals for those that do not know are people who do not feel sexual attraction until they have formed an emotional bond with the other person. I know we’re learning a lot over the course of a few weeks but just imagine the brain wrinkles you’re developing!
Moving on: so, asexuals in the bedroom. Let’s take a moment aside and talk about how it really isn’t anyone else’s business what goes on behind the closed doors of others but I want to address this topic for the posterity’s sake. Asexuals, like anyone else, have free will, they have choices to make and so forth. So, if an asexual chooses to have sex that’s their choice. In a partnership, an asexual might decide they are fine orally pleasing their sexual partner while full sex is beyond them. There are an endless number of scenarios and situations we could cover here.
The point I want to address is that if an asexual chooses to engage in a sex act, it does not give anyone the right to question their asexual status. Just like masturbation, there are many reason one could choose that path and it’s not up to others to decide if that path is right or if it changes who they are. No one else gets to choose the labels another person uses and as we go though life, if I someone decides to change their labels, that’s okay!
Okay to wrap up today I want to talk about romantic orientations. Many asexuals identify first with their sexual orientation then follow-up with a romantic one. It identifies who they are attracted to. I identify as panromantic. That means I don’t feel limited by sex or gender, for me those things are not a factor. You must love cats though!
I give you an info graphic from an article which talks more about what I have posted here today and is in no way an exhaustive list of the possibilities.
Now, I know I’ve been talking a lot about labels and identifiers while at the same time ranting about people putting others in a box and I just wanted to clarify for a moment, if I give myself a label then that’s okay, you trying to label me with something I don’t identify with then that is not. And most importantly, you don’t have to label yourself if you don’t want to. If you want to talk around saying “I’m me and I don’t fit in any box so you call can just suck it.” That’s totally awesome too!