Different, Not Broken

Continuing on the topic of Asexuality, I want to address the misconception that Asexuality isn’t a sexuality but rather a disease or disorder.

There hasn’t been much conclusive research done on asexuality and back in the day before any research was done it was shoved under the umbrella of Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (aka the Psychiatry Bible, which lets face it holds many things that have been debunked over time.)

Some information can be found here and here.

So without science to back up anyone’s claims, let’s proceed with the notion that everyone is a little bit in the dark when it comes to why and how asexuality happens and discuss why it’s so important for some people to try and put others into labelled boxes.

I understand from a scientific perspective why we as humans feel the need to categorize things. Categorization is how we learn and is indeed how we make sense of masses of information. (Link provided to supplemental material about categorizing and the science behind it.) Unlike a tool box though, where you can open it and call the tools within all sort of names, when you take this approach with people you run a very high risk of alienating them and hurting them.

If someone thinks my asexuality is a disorder, what do either of us gain by them telling me so? Please, let me highlight some words in that sentence: “someone thinks” and “my asexuality.” At the end of the day is my not having a desire to have sex injuring anyone? Does the label of crazy or sick make it anymore likely that I’m going to sleep with that person? And if my asexuality isn’t hurting anyone why is there a need to tell me I am wrong?

Asexuality is as valid an orientation as lesbian, bisexual or gay. It refers to a sexual preference. In my experience of roaming the internet and reading comments from the wide world of hypocrites, jerks and trolls, none have bothered me quite so much as some of the ones I have seen from people in the LGBTQA society about asexuals. In a group where I have felt safe for many years, it comes as quite a shock to my system to see people posting comments like: “Asexuals do not belong in LGBT. They are non-sexual people and don’t belong in a classification system used to identify sexual preference.”

Another comment I read said “LGBT is not a catchall for misfits.” As far as I understood the meaning and feelings behind the community, LGBTQA is an inclusive group that fight for the rights denied to sexual and gender minorities and fights against heteronormativity, social prejudices, religious persecution and gender stereotypes. Plus a whole slew of other things I’m sure. The point being, why would anyone want to take a refuge like that and close its doors in anyone’s face?

With all of that said, there were also many people defending Asexuals who were not asexual and many people from the LGBTQA community insisting the doors were open for all. There will always be people trying to shove others inside the boxes they have made in their heads instead of just building a new box or rearranging the ones they already have. I for one am trying out a little box burning, I mean it worked for the feminists and their bras right?!

I want to remove stereotypes from my life. Let everyone be who they are and let their actions and words define them not some label I have stamped out with my keyboard. I want people to not be afraid to claim identifiers they feel describe them because someone they know won’t understand. I am asexual, panromantic, polyamorous and non-binary.

Also, I like the acronym QUILT BAG. A friend of mine told me about it. I like it for its inclusion of all groups currently known.

Until next week, I leave you with this video: http://youtu.be/qO_Dk_Z2zRM

It is about bi-erasure and one girl’s struggles with feeling acceptance but the message at the end is for everyone in many situations.

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About torntreasure

I'm a 31 year writer and optician. I am loud and out-spoken and I do not lie or sugar coat things. I love to write; I love to read. I like eyeballs. I want to be an artist. I want to paint the world with my words and make you glasses so you can see it! Ha ha!

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