Add Some Chaos to the Madness

The past month has been a bit of a whirl for me, my husband still has not found another job, bills are being paid by helpful family members and I am coming to terms with the fact that I have to quit school so that I can support my small but demanding household.  This is my chaos.

I have been working for years toward a goal that I’m not even sure I want anymore but loath to give up because it means I have to return to the drawing board.  I spent a month writing a novel in the hopes that someone will read and want to publish it.  This is my madness.

My life has stopped making sense.  I am stressed out to the point of making myself sick.  I try to soldier on and continue with my life but then something else comes to smack me in the face.

On the morning of Thanksgiving some more bad news blew into my life, anything that I had been thankful for disappeared and I was left feeling depressed.  My husband and I loaded into the car a little later to gather with family for the holiday but I was still feeling low.  In the evening my whole family gathered in the living room and they went around to every single person so that they could share what they were thankful for.  I was not in the mood to be thankful for anything, I did not share.  Instead I went to the corner to feel sorry for myself.

Later, when my bad mood had passed and I squared my shoulders to again face life head on, I felt like I had cheated myself out of something.  There were many things I was thankful for that I had now missed the opportunity to share with my family.

In times of sadness and struggle it is so easy to lose oneself in the big problem that is staring us in the face and ignore the fact that there are little victories but the truth is that little victories are what make life worth living.  Little victories are what you get up for in the morning and what keeps us going between the big events, victory or failure.

So in no particular order, my victories this year:

  • My Grandpa walked me down the aisle.
  • I got married.
  • I finished Nanowrimo.
  • I made new friends.
  • I ate Chipotle in three new states.
  • I got to see my niece.
  • I ran a 5K with said niece.
  • I did a 5K with my friends.
  • I left the country for the very first time.
  • I got a new car.
  • I found the place that I want to live.
  • I found the house I want to live in.
  • My relationship with my husband is better than it has been in years.

About torntreasure

I'm a 32 year writer and optician. I am loud and out-spoken and I do not lie or sugar coat things. I love to write; I love to read. I like eyeballs. I want to be an artist. I want to paint the world with my words and make you glasses so you can see it! Ha ha!

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